I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
