I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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