the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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