she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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