If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
