I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
