You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
