too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
