and she was petting her beer can
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
