Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
