then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
