I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
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