That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
