guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
