I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm just crazy horny about you
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
