The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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