He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
