Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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