Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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