I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
