and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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