how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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