Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
