oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
