remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
