Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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