me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
