The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
