True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
