I am full of burrito and curiosity
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
