New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
