If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
