Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
