3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize