I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
