We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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