Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Actions speak louder than pants.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
