We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
