somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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