My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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