Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
