I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
