why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
