i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
