Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
whose ass print is on the piano?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Couch. On fire.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
