Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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