My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
