mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
