If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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