Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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