I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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