Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
