I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
