She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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