Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
