My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
