eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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