i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
