just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
