Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
