i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
