I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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