Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
