your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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