Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
