Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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