I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
