epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm too high and old for this...
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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