She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
