I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
