My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
