The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
this is an emotional support booty call
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
