You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize