gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
