Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
