Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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