The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
