All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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