there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize