I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
