Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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