i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
