i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
