i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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