I think I can smell my own vagina right now
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
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