Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
